sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
