i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
