He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
