i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
