I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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