She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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