Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
