ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
