there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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