So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
