I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
