A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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