u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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