i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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