3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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