I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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