I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
