i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
