im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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