Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
