Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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