My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
