it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
