how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
