Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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