He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.