The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.