yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
