how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
