Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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