If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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