before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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