Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
