drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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