Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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