My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
