Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
