I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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