Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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