Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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