is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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