ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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