everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
