remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
