We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
