Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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