bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
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im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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