WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
