are you still at the devil's house?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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