Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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