Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
