It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
