uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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