I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
