Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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