you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
