I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
