Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
