i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
