his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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