I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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