i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
