Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
