I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
