I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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