quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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