I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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