The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My bed smells like the plague
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
